I don’t know what we are doing. I don’t know what we are. But I know that I love you and deep down you do too. We’re thousands of miles away from each other now. We talk, we laugh and we cry for minutes, hours and some times even for days. We talk about all the what ifs, laugh about the stupid things we say and cry about all the times you’ve hurt me in the past. You tell me you are lost and you need me to be by your side. I promised to visit, but life gets in the way every time I try. Truth is, I am so in love with you that I know if I ever visited you, it would hurt so much that I don’t know if I can bare it. Visiting you means I have to leave you all over again, it means I have to pretend that it wont end. But seeing you means I will get touch you again. It means I get lay by your side all day and night and forget about the world. I am stuck on this never ending carousel and I’m not sure what to do. I taught myself to hate you once even i know deep down I could never truly feel that way. But it was enough for me to get me through the day. Now I have to try and do that again. I have to try and not compare you to everyone I meet. I have learn how to not think about you. And in order for me to do that I have to hate you. It’s the only way I know how to keep my heart from hurting every time I think about my life without you in it. Maybe one day when we are in different circumstances, with different goals in a different city, we can fall in love all over again. I don’t expect you to wait but hopefully fate will just take us there. I need to go now. I need to try and build my life so that one day will come sooner. I love you and I always will. Goodbye my love. 

Forever yours,

C